"Whose bread I eat, his song I sing."

What makes someone loyal? Is it a sense of duty? Maybe sometimes, but not always. Is it give and take? To some, yes - but if it were always true, the word betrayal wouldn't exist. For most people, loyalty is self interested. Everyone has different priorities. Family, God, country first. There will always be conflicts of interest. People align their loyalties based on what is most important to them. I am no exception.



My future husband came into my life when I was really trying to figure out what changes I needed to make to make my outside world reflect who I was inside. In fact, the day after our first date I quit my job. Through all my ups and downs (and believe me, with change there are always ups and downs) he has been by my side supporting me. Some changes he might not agree with (he's not exactly Zuzu's biggest fan and can't wait until its too cold to ride my scooter) but he's there for me no matter what. When I wanted to pack up and move to Boston for school, he was ready to quit his job and do "whatever it takes" to help make my dreams come true.

Recently I found out that my estranged father had a second heart attack. We haven't spoken in years but I immediately felt the urge to do... something. After hours of conversation and about a million tears later, I decided to do... nothing. It isn't just that I haven't spoken to him - he hasn't spoken to me either. What did we owe each other? Nothing. Besides sharing DNA, we have nothing to tie us together. Does this make me disloyal?

The title of this post is a German proverb. Its easy to be loyal to someone (or something) who provides for you. A true test of character is showing loyalty and expecting nothing in return. Or even more difficult, showing loyalty despite negative consequences (whistleblowers, military men and women, gay Mormons, etc.)

Growing up involves deciding your own loyalties - as well as understanding not everyone shares your views. Life is full of ebbs and flow, hap and circumstance. Some occurrences will leave you bitter. There is nothing you can do about it. Its okay to be hurt and confused when things don't go your way but there is no reason to let it interfere with your life. Nothing good can come from holding onto negativity. Best to just let go, move on and learn from your mistakes or simply appreciate the mistakes of others as a lesson to shape yourself.

"When we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves." - Confucius